Off the cuff rant about stuff and stuff.
I honestly never had any idea there were so many people going through it that needed a voice, the fact that I can be that for people is just so inspiring.
I cannot speak enough about the power of the struggle in combination with a vision. I pictured myself the way I am now and looked into the steps it would take to get me here, there was so much I didn't like about myself, problems that once brought me shame were solved through deep self analysis, I read so much about the human condition, I learnt what made us feel the way we did and it made me realise we are connected in our suffering, all we want is for a happy stress free life yet so much seems in the way of us achieving that end.
We put off doing the things we really want to do through fear or shame of what people will think, but that's hilarious to me. If everyone's walking around worrying what other people think of them then NOBODY is thinking anything about anyone but themselves...so that worry is just unfounded, it can be let go. History is full of people that we remember because they stood out, because they made things differently, inspired change or revolution. I just think that ability is within each and every one of us.
I'm someone who makes goose noises to call out to my partner in superstores, dances as much as you can imagine, anywhere and everywhere, I laugh so loud other people start laughing a bit more (you should totally try this by the way, it's so good for your physiology) and sure there are plenty who would scorn me. I think back to a time when I went to see a comedian and a guy was so caught up in how hard I laughed that after the performance he turned to me and said something intended to offend at me, something like 'it was good, other than this c*nt' whilst looking me dead in the eye. His faced turned even more irate when I laughed at that too, given what I have gleaned from many a book and lecture throughout the years is that that had nothing to do with me, his lack of enjoyment was based only in his capacity to be angry at someobody laughing. I am replaceable in that situation, it could have been anyone laughing hard and his response would remain the same.
In this situation I could have easily been incredibly offended and been angry, but instead I immediately understood the situation from an objective viewpoint, had compassion with his stance, but rejection of his handling of it. He could have easily have thought 'this guy is really enjoying the show, it is quite funny', but instead I imagine it was something along the lines of 'I wish this guy would shut up, he's annoying me' and his frustration would only build from that point on. I get it, I used to be like that about certain things, until I learnt of a stoic proverb which goes along the lines of 'man is more tormented by his opinion of things, than the things themselves'. To me this meant that all the things that were causing me to think my life sucked, that everybody hated me, were simply constructs in my mind and that with rigourous mental exercise through reading, self teaching and therapy I could reconstruct that particular internal reaction to external stimuli.
There is honestly so much to talk about surrounding this subject, if you got this far and would like to find out more about the books I read that helped me overcome my struggle, I will be publishing a blog next week going through some of them and how they helped me.
As for now I have got Grums to be making for August, where I'll have two shows. Hopefully I'll see some of you there, announcement coming 10th July.